So i'm sitting here in bed and I have to pee.. I just peed 15 minutes ago and 10 minutes before that and 5 minutes before that. My husband and dog are sound asleep and I got to thinking about this whole pregnancy thing.
I'm 29 weeks pregnant to be exact, only 11 weeks to go, and i'm not being the best pregnant yogi.
I've taught many prenatal classes but most of them took place before I was pregnant. I would say things like, "you're a goddess" "your body was designed to do this" and now that i'm living it, i'm feeling more like gigantor than a goddess.
I use to say to myself that I would be so fit and work out all the time and eat only organic foods and fresh smoothies every day when I got pregnant. HAAA, thats a joke. I've worked out all of 3 times since I got pregnant and I have probably done 12 challenging yoga classes. I stretch every once and a while but only when I feel like my back is about to rip in two. I'm vegetarian so I do eat lots of produce but I also drink 1/2 and 1/2 coffee, I've stopped checking to see if my tea is caffeine free and chocolate covered almonds are my shit.
I am lucky enough to be experiencing a healthy pregnancy with no complications but I have found that one of the most complicated things of all is fitting into this persona of a beautiful, glowing pregnant woman. After I found out I was going to have a baby, it didn't take long for me to realize the "pregnancy glow" is a bunch of crap. Sure, sometimes I do actually look pretty adorable with my bump and I feel great. Baby kicks are the sweetest and most entertaining thing of all, even when they hurt. My husband looks at me like i'm made of magic and keeps calling my bump, "my baby." Pregnancy is beautiful.
In a world full of judging eyes I decided not to hold myself to this artificial standard of how i'm suppose to look, act or feel. I ordered a beer at this going away dinner some friends threw for my husband and I . A friend of mine, who has a 1-year-old, turns to me and goes "wow you're brave, I was always so afraid of being judged that I never drank wine or anything in public." Just wow. Obviously i'm not condoning drinking while pregnant, make the decision that is right for you, but it was just very telling.
If you are pregos and not feeling like a ray of sunshine, your ass is getting fat because squats have become super annoying, you live for french fries or you're too lazy to wash your hair. Its all good in the hood. You do you.
However, if you are like me and experiencing chronic pain during your pregnancy, I know its easy to be cynical about the whole thing. But consider this. What if you couldn't get pregnant? I know so many women who have miscarried, had high risk pregnancies etc. Women who have truly suffered through this process. Genuine heartbreak.
If you aren't loving your pregnancy experience and cant seem to get your glow on, that's ok. The way you feel is completely valid, no matter what. But lets just take a moment to honor those women who are struggling to make it full term.
An uncomfortable pregnancy really sucks and I totally feel you. I have struggled with severe back pain from the get go, this horrible burning sensation under my boobs that just wont let up and heartburn straight from hell. It wears on you after awhile. But... this just means i'm getting the full experience. Considering the alternative, I am truly the lucky one.
Long story short, from here on out my prenatal classes will be much more real. So thank you sweet little growing fetus for teaching me yet another lesson.
Now I really have to pee.